Aspergers Syndrome and Relationships: Is there hope?

Aspergers Syndrome and Relationships: Is there hope?

When it boils down to it, I believe the root of this assumption goes back to the difficulties that many with Asperger’s have with communication. I have difficulty with social aspects of intelligence, which basically manifests itself as a notable lack of “common sense.”

 

A person with Asperger’s may feel raw emotion, but not be able to immediately identify it or its cause.  Not only does this cause breakdown in communications in common, everyday situations, it can also be very dangerous. This can be either not understanding the cues about what the other person is feeling, or feeling overwhelmed by the emotion they themselves are experiencing. We often have trouble expressing feelings of love and affection, even though we are experiencing them. Being in a relationship means we are having to constantly work to assess what their partner is feeling, as well as trying to process their own reactions.

 

In my past experiences, I have noticed that most women tend to be attracted to men who are fairly good looking, gentlemanly, able to read their signals on boundaries, polite, clean, honest, not trying too hard to impress, adaptable, positive, supportive, charismatic, fun to be with, having character in their voice, not too meek but not macho either and who show an interest in their feelings. It is rare to find a man with all these qualities together and most women don’t expect perfection. This is the style I have attempted to follow over the years.

 

The reality is from my past experience of being in a relationship, the person with Asperger’s Syndrome and the person without it are as different from each other as people from completely different cultures. We may look the same from the outside, but underneath we are driven by completely different priorities, needs and perceptions. It’s deeper than just the differences that normal relationships struggle with. Whilst it is evident that many people with Asperger’s Syndrome do desire to be in relationship and enjoy social situations, it would seem that this is not a priority for them in the same way that it is for people who do not have Asperger’s Syndrome. I have noticed that for people like myself with Asperger’s, we generally tend to approach things with a system or formula and be more focused on a particular interest, project or task than on relationship with the people around them.

 

So how do we move on from the impasse that still exists between the two communities? I believe that most of this is caused by the ignorance of Asperger’s Syndrome that still exists within our communities and professional services. No-one knows enough about it to be able to identify it when they are confronted by it, and very few have an adequate understanding of it. Those like myself with Asperger’s Syndrome do tend to be militant and hold rigidly to what defines them as individuals. We can be very interesting and often likably eccentric. As well as getting to spend your life with someone who has strokes of genius, in an AS man you will most likely have a ‘committed, logical, practical, non-cheating man who wants a peaceful life, will be dedicated to the relationship and or flirt with other women – And you won’t have to compete for his attention with his friends – because chances are he doesn’t have many. He will do anything for you – just as long as you tell him what to do. Don’t expect him to anticipate it.’

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2015 – Review

2015 – Review

As another year begins to draw to a close, I thought that I would share with you my views of the year which has transpired, and what you can expect to see from yours truly in 2016.

 

I would reflect on this year to have been considerably central to my own personal development so far. The trials and targets which have been met, conquered and accomplished, have been significantly more challenging than in previous past commissions, particularly due to the new events that have opened new and exciting doors for myself to follow in the near future.

 

2015 has seen myself successfully graduate with a 2.1 Bachelor Honours Degree in Digital Media Design from New College Nottingham. This undoubtedly, is a feat that I am considerably proud of, and I am entirely grateful to my peers and fellow colleagues, who had supported me throughout the duration of the course. Without their thoughtful guidance, I would not be where I am at presently. Therefore, I would like to place on record my sincere thanks to Ben Harbisher, Richard Irwin, Sharon Howell, Rachel Clewley, Stephen Marshall, and also, my fellow classmates, with whom I thoroughly enjoyed working with during the course of the year, especially in London for the final end of year show event at New Designers. I wish you all a flourishing and successful long-standing career.

 

Following the conclusion of this course, I was able to successfully commence on a Masters Degree in Newspaper Journalism at Nottingham Trent University earlier in October. This particular course has helped shape me into a more adept professional, who is able to be more structured and proficient when it relates to working deadlines (as well as drinking more Guinness!). The students at the CBJ (Centre of Broadcasting in Journalism) department, as well as the teaching staff, have been nothing short of amazing thus far, and have been exceptionally supportive and understanding of my personality and individual needs. For this, I am a thankful and appreciative of the efforts that my fellow colleagues have displayed towards me, which, if I mentioned them all individually, I would be here till 2020. Nonetheless, I would like to place on record a special mention to Dave Welford, my course tutor, who has been incredibly supportive and helpful in relation to my work. For this, I thank you, and my fellow colleagues from my MA NJ course, and all associated with the CBJ. I look forward to seeing all and working with you again in the new year.

 

This year has also seen the addition of new faces in my social life. I won’t embarrass her too much, as I am sure she won’t want her name plastered everywhere on social media, but Vicky Lomax, a Magazine Journalist who is also studying an MA at the CBJ, has been a breath of fresh air during our time socialising together. She has helped to combat my anxiety issues, and generally, she has been a positive influence in my life so far (minus the caffeine addiction! Only joking), and I am fully appreciative of her presence and support. In life, we have various people that walk in and out who call us friends and stay with us for many upcoming years. I am glad that I am associated with Vicky, and I look forward to working with her again in the months that are to come. A special mention as well to Jodie Armstrong, who has also had to put up with my corny humour every lunch hour whilst at university. Thank you, and I promise to curb it down to only one day a fortnight!

 

Not all of my endeavours in 2015 have been related specifically to journalism. They have also seen the incorporation of politics, which, as much as I am sure some will disagree with my choice of party, has overseen another growing development occur in my career path. The party, (UKIP), has been extremely supportive and receptive to my input during the meetings which I have attended so far. I can foresee a bright working future in working alongside the UKIP Nottingham branch, and I am confident that we can achieve great success in our resilient partnership together. Francesco Lari, the Chairman of the branch, has been instrumental in my decision to place my support and backing towards UKIP, and I would like to place my sincere thanks and gratitude to both Mr Lari and the other members of the Nottingham branch, for their unrelenting support and encouragement throughout the year. I look forward to the future and what lies ahead for our collation in 2016.

 

I have also embraced counselling as a side profession in my spare time. This has proven to have been a very useful tool to embrace within my own life, as I have been able to see the world from a different angle, and help others who are experiencing mental breakdowns, such as depression or other tribulations, improve their fortunes and become more considerably happier. In addition, as I am sure you are all already aware of, I have a form of autism called Aspergers Syndrome, and I have endeavoured to highlight this mental disability in the form of my profession within journalism. I would like to thank all of those who have published my work over the past year, including the Nottingham Post, Chris Ellis from the Clifton Local News, and many more. I am grateful for your guidance you have shown me throughout the year.

 

This year has also regrettably, resulted in difficult trials taking place for myself. I have been experiencing severe anxiety issues for over four months, due to an over obsession of my breathing, and other generalized anxiety disorder symptoms. I am currently taking tablets which are working to a degree, and I am hopeful that this condition will continue to pass, and improve over time. It is all about mind over matter, and although anxiety affects people in different ways, this issue cannot be ignored amongst society, and must be treated accordingly when appropriate.

 

Life is about having fun and living it to the standard that you choose to live it at. This is how I have presented myself during both my working and social life in 2015, as I am, and always will be, a firm believer that “life is too short to not have a laugh.” Humour and comedy is a great tool in the reduction of stress and anxiety, and I cannot emphasis the importance of making yourself happy and laugh, because you will find that if you do this on a regular basis, the negativity surrounding your life will begin to decline, and you will find yourself in a much better situation than you were in previously.

 

I would like to conclude by saying how grateful and appreciative I am of all of your support and comments, and I thank you for taking the time to read through my final column of 2015. I wish you all a safe and happy new year, and a successful, prosperous 2016.

Asperger’s – Career Alternatives Part Two: Counsellor

Asperger’s – Career Alternatives Part Two: Counsellor

The following blog is part of an exclusive series that I am producing, in regards to the chosen vocation pathways I have elected myself to follow in the impending future. This particular segment will be describing the motivations behind why I have decided to follow a vocation within the counselling domain.

Counselling is somewhat perceived as an extensive profession, that can be accustomed at any given time in order to convene to a certain individual needs. Throughout our lives, I believe that we all at some juncture assume the role of a counsellor in one form or another. Perhaps not as proficiently and expertly as the accomplished professionals within the field, who have had years of training and experience dealing with a variety of problems, including depression and anxiety, but we do endeavour to help and encourage others that we care about, overcome their own personal troubles and tribulations. We all at some stage in our life will have to deal with either overseeing, or, individually, an undesirable, negative sensation that may transpire at a certain phase in our lives. Despondently, this is how the human life ultimately pans itself out, as nobody, regardless of his or her personal background, can experience an absolute unadulterated, blissful existence. I am sure we can all appreciate the fact that we are not perfect. We do have our own individual flaws, and we all, at some stage or other, have experienced a negative feeling, or, participated in a deleterious incident. Nonetheless, I believe that it is about finding the right balance that regulates to your own style of circadian endeavour, which ultimately, will help to establish the level of happiness you will experience and warrant in your day-to-day life.

The key purposes behind my thought process regarding my pursuit of employment within counselling, is due to the concept that I want to help people who are suffering and experiencing various degrees of complications, both physically and mentally, and aid in the overall improvement of their lives. I believe that I have shown over the years through my compassionate persona and caring character, that I justify the prerequisite mindset required for a pursuit connected to counselling. I myself have experienced various levels of depression and anxiety in the past, and I certainly do not want others to experience this damaging complicity. If I can leave just one positive influence on a client who is suffering from say a severe level of depression and help get them back on the right track for instance, then I will be satisfied and delighted, knowing that I have helped make a positive difference on another individuals livelihood.

I understand and acknowledge that much like the responsibilities of both a Journalist and Labour Councillor, a profession in Counselling will undoubtedly take time to achieve. Years of training and perseverance, along with observing and assisting in volunteering activities related to the field of counselling, will have to be engaged. However, I do believe in my own personal ability to strive and achieve success in any field I choose to pursue in, through continuous effort and acknowledgement of constructive criticism, as well as familiarising myself with new information gained within the domain of therapy.

Counselling is a lifelong commitment that I will continue to accept and integrate into my daily routine regarding my own personal endeavours. If anyone would like any provision concerning any problematic situation that you may be experiencing, I am more than happy to listen and provide counselling and therapy for those who need that caring support and encouraging voice to help push them through the ‘dark tunnel’ and back into the light so to speak, so please do get in touch. I am available on a number of social media outlets, including Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, as well as via Email.

Currently, I am completing an online diploma course entitled ‘Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.’ This course is designed to educate the apprentice on the behaviours and mannerisms concerning those who may be experiencing negative emotions, or undergoing severe levels of depression or anxiety. I am also anticipating that I will be undertaking an additional online course in ‘Life Skills Coaching’ over the summer period. This particular course endeavours the learner to help encourage a client to improve their daily life through various engagements, such as career tutoring and intimate relationship building, among other useful and helpful training approaches.

I hope that you have found this particular blog beneficial and helpful. Remember, you can achieve anything you want from life, provided that you continue to motivate yourself to achieve great things, which you will attain through hard work and determination. Do not let negativity get the best of you, but instead, use it as motivation to better yourself to achieve success and prosperity, and never let impractical actions cloud your judgement.

Aspergers – Personal Career ambitions and narrowing down selections

Aspergers – Personal Career ambitions and narrowing down selections

It is very common for the vast majority of us as human beings to alter our career visions during various points of our lives. We are permitted to travel down any given pathway through life that we believe to be the most precise and, most importantly, truthful to whom we represent as citizens amongst society. No matter what conclusions we reach when formulating our vocation decisions, we can ultimately gaze at ourselves in the mirror everyday, and recognise that we have indeed made the correct choice, in regards to the future path that we open up for ourselves. Our lives can somewhat be likened to that of a functioning car. We start off in neutral, uncertain as to what vocation or life we want to pursue, because we are uncertain of the routes that are made available to us, or, we simply cannot make a definite decision as to what we want to achieve from our life. We then select a route to travel down and move into first gear. Our profession does not start off strongly, but inevitably, after years of intense training and persistent hard work, perseverance and determination, we manage to successfully reach our goals and push ourselves into a more considerably higher gear. Understandably, we will encounter some challenging obstacles that will force us to reverse back at times, but these will only be reflected as jagged patches, and we will ultimately be back on the right path, provided that we persist and renew our hunger and desire to want to accomplish success in our lives.

I use the above thought process regarding my own occupation pursuits on a frequent regular basis. As stated in my previous blogs, after careful consideration during my stints at college, my main objective is to become a recognised salaried journalist for a renowned and established newspaper corporation. I have a passion for writing and absorbing new aspects about our world and society, and I feel that by partaking in a role similar to that of a columnist in a newspaper, I deem that I can contribute to the world of newscast through unswerving professionalism in the form of ethical and honourable printed pieces, that will indorse an upbeat reaction among civilisation. I acknowledge that this will take time and will not happen instantaneously. This is why I am endeavouring to have my work observed through both this blog and on other renowned web and print publications that ideally, will help to provide prospective employers the foundations and vision to witness my work, and, decisively, promote myself as a practiced, adept journalist, who will indisputably provide his audience with only the highest quality of information correspondence.

In addition, I am also attracted to the position of counsellor as another form of potential employment. As stated in previous blogs, I enjoy performing acts of kindness on a daily basis, with the intention to help leave positivity among others lives. I would like to consider myself as someone who is thoughtful and compassionate of others thoughts, and dependable regarding others delicate tribulations. I am also someone who is able to listen evidently to others troubles and advise appropriately, with the pledge that nothing outside of our conversations will be shared with others, as I am a firm advocate for joint confidentially and mutual respect. This detailed career passageway is one that I am genuinely contemplating in the future, provided that I can share the responsibility between two career vocations. I am intending to study both a full time Masters Degree in Newspaper Journalism at Nottingham Trent University this September, followed by a part time Level 2 course in Counselling at Central College Nottingham next year.

Conclusively, I am also proposing to examine more into the potential in becoming a resident Labour councillor candidate for Clifton or Nottingham in the 2020 election. This is not only due to the fact that I believe in the fundamentals that the Labour party stand and endorse, with its notable philosophy and unrelenting dedication to providing Britain and its working class citizens with strong consistent resources, but additionally, I truly consider the openings that may fashion for me personally through contributing to this position. Without intending to sound arrogant, I consider myself to have a strong, well-thought-of rank amongst the Clifton community. I feel that its residents will listen and acknowledge my standing alongside the Labour Party, and I truly consider that with my talents and proficiencies gained as both a journalist and counsellor, I can bring stability, enthusiasm, and enhancement to the heart of my area, and deliver to the people an authentic, unfailing voice to air their concerns, with the pledge to consistently generate efficient levels of effort; something most of society do not seem to agree with when it relates to politicians nowadays, and ultimately, put society first. It is time that I give something back to civilization for all the support I have received, and wether this is through Journalism, Counselling, or even becoming a potential Labour Candidate, I promise to produce continuous quantities of positivity and authentic values through my work engagements, that with any luck, will help to progress me to the next level I know I can reach, and one that I acknowledge in my heart I will eventually accomplish.

Aspergers and dealing with anxiety

Aspergers and dealing with anxiety

I would firstly like to apologise for the lack of activity on my part, as I have been immensely busy with University work and my ongoing current assignment. Following the completion of my final course project, which involves myself travelling down to an event in London in the next coming few weeks, I will be able to produce more blogs and supportive articles for you to enjoy, so I thank you for your patience and understanding in the matter.

This newest topic has lately grown into somewhat of a problematical deterrent in regards to my own personal life. Most recently, I have been the victim of a condition that I believe, we all inevitably have to encounter at some stage during our lives, called anxiety. Last week, for reasons I cannot yet seem to comprehend, I experienced several panic attacks over the shear fright that I would stop breathing and die. I kept breathing and thinking over and over again non-stop that if I didn’t stop acknowledging my inhalation and exhalation, then I would ultimately pass out and decease. Although I am feeling perfectly fine as of this moment, I believe that this type of random delinquent behaviour is purely down to the fact that physiologically, I was not in my right frame of mind. As an Asperger, I can fully appreciate the notion that we tend to overthink things through, and plan out our daily routines out as flawlessly as possible, but sometimes these do not always pan out, as they should do. Life is too unpredictable to plan out every moment of every day, which is why I consider the likelihood that it is best to remain calm, and not let unwanted distractions get the best of you. I would like to say that I am an organised individual, especially when it relates to my own personal work engagements, but when it concerns say other aspects of my life, such as the common day activities we engage in like following a simple instruction, we, as Asperger’s, tend to find these more challenging. This is where I believe that more education and training should be distributed out to the public, in order for society to fully understand the severe challenges that individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome encounter on a daily basis.

This is also another reason why I personally, would like to volunteer at some stage in the future in joining the Labour Party and becoming either a counsellor for my local estate, or, another job title related to the support of disabled people. I am determined to help others who have the same degree of condition as I do, and help to improve their lives by becoming part of an established organisation such as the Labour Party, whom I have supported since I was old enough to vote at the elections. I truly believe that I can make a positive difference to others livelihoods, and help bring back the respect and legitimacy that disabled people throughout the world so rightfully deserve.

Anyhow, I am going off topic. My concluding advice to those who are suffering with anxiety / panic attacks, is simply realise that you are not alone. There are others out there who are happy to support and guide you on the road to contentment, which is precisely where you will reach with both determination and patience. Mindfulness is also another useful engagement to participate in if you are experiencing apprehension. By focusing on the present and not letting and dwelling on other thoughts that may cloud your mind, you will ultimately become more relaxed and focused, and eventually, your anxiety levels will decrease. Do not expect them to disappear within the blink of an eye. As the old saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”, and thus, it is vital that you remain both calm and patient on the road to calmness and solidary.

I am also a counsellor as well as a journalist, who is happy to take on clients and listen to your tribulations. All conversations are treated as confidential and will not be spoken of outside of our dialogues. If you would like to get in touch, please do. I am here to help in anyway I possible can.

 

Thank you.