When it boils down to it, I believe the root of this assumption goes back to the difficulties that many with Asperger’s have with communication. I have difficulty with social aspects of intelligence, which basically manifests itself as a notable lack of “common sense.”
A person with Asperger’s may feel raw emotion, but not be able to immediately identify it or its cause. Not only does this cause breakdown in communications in common, everyday situations, it can also be very dangerous. This can be either not understanding the cues about what the other person is feeling, or feeling overwhelmed by the emotion they themselves are experiencing. We often have trouble expressing feelings of love and affection, even though we are experiencing them. Being in a relationship means we are having to constantly work to assess what their partner is feeling, as well as trying to process their own reactions.
In my past experiences, I have noticed that most women tend to be attracted to men who are fairly good looking, gentlemanly, able to read their signals on boundaries, polite, clean, honest, not trying too hard to impress, adaptable, positive, supportive, charismatic, fun to be with, having character in their voice, not too meek but not macho either and who show an interest in their feelings. It is rare to find a man with all these qualities together and most women don’t expect perfection. This is the style I have attempted to follow over the years.
The reality is from my past experience of being in a relationship, the person with Asperger’s Syndrome and the person without it are as different from each other as people from completely different cultures. We may look the same from the outside, but underneath we are driven by completely different priorities, needs and perceptions. It’s deeper than just the differences that normal relationships struggle with. Whilst it is evident that many people with Asperger’s Syndrome do desire to be in relationship and enjoy social situations, it would seem that this is not a priority for them in the same way that it is for people who do not have Asperger’s Syndrome. I have noticed that for people like myself with Asperger’s, we generally tend to approach things with a system or formula and be more focused on a particular interest, project or task than on relationship with the people around them.
So how do we move on from the impasse that still exists between the two communities? I believe that most of this is caused by the ignorance of Asperger’s Syndrome that still exists within our communities and professional services. No-one knows enough about it to be able to identify it when they are confronted by it, and very few have an adequate understanding of it. Those like myself with Asperger’s Syndrome do tend to be militant and hold rigidly to what defines them as individuals. We can be very interesting and often likably eccentric. As well as getting to spend your life with someone who has strokes of genius, in an AS man you will most likely have a ‘committed, logical, practical, non-cheating man who wants a peaceful life, will be dedicated to the relationship and or flirt with other women – And you won’t have to compete for his attention with his friends – because chances are he doesn’t have many. He will do anything for you – just as long as you tell him what to do. Don’t expect him to anticipate it.’